• Tavorie J

Update: July 2021

Update posts are probably one of my most consistent post types. I could go silent for weeks if not months then come back with a random update. Anyway, this is that post.

It's been a bit, so I'd like to just go over some things.

June itself was not great. At the start, I came to the harsh realization that my situation has stymied my creativity. For those unaware, I lost my job with COVID and have been living at home. This has been incredibly taxing on my emotional stability. I lost my job in a very violet and upsetting way that I'd rather not get into again and it took me a whole year just to process it. I was NOT functioning for 90% of 2020.

2021 came along and I said it'd be my year. I'd write my book, get it published, and hold a copy in my hands. That... probably isn't going to happen now. I wrote the equivalent of three full-length novels since December 2020 and I was exhausted as I began another rewrite. Suddenly the thing I loved so much had become another emotional drain on my already unstable mind. After much consideration and borderline heartache, I decided in early June that now was not the time to write a book which meant I had to do something else with my life.

I'm back on the job hunt now with questionable skills. I really want to relocate out west and its causing a lot of stress to just think about. I really don't want to stay in this area anymore so the only way I foresee moving on with my life is anywhere but here. Stress and anxiety have become a daily status. I feel like I'm mentally regressing back to some of my darker times in 2020. I think it extends from the uncertainty. I'm genuinely uncertain and afraid of the future.

I started therapy back in November of 2020 and while it helped a lot at first, I'm finding diminishing returns. I suppose now that I'm moving away from all my mental pain and trying to formulate actionable plans, I need therapy less and a life coach more. My anxiety isn't so much coming from myself anymore. There are a lot of external pressures. Ones I genuinely can't control.

Since the beginning of my job hunt, I've submitted at least a dozen applications with no word back and I know this is the norm. I know my clock is ticking and it terrifies me to no end.

I made an attempt to keep writing through the hard times with this silly little project:

This was not so much a failure in execution, but a failure in concept. I intended to write a series of daily micro stories with my main characters doing various cutesy things. I got about a week in before my mental health started failing. I ended up copying snippets from a WIP manuscript which will now never be completed. I stopped four days short and may retroactively fill in those blanks, but my heart and mind just weren't in it.

Yet again another Pride Month passes and I didn't engage with it at all. I keep saying I will, but it just keeps not happening. Instead of any kind of celebration, I spent June in a tailspin of confusion, frustration, and upset. It wasn't great.

Giving up on the book, for now at least, really hurt. It damaged me in a way that left me aimless in the worst way. Sure I had a goal: Get a job and move, but the path was far from certain and clear.

I pretty much stopped being creative in any sense for most of June. Like I said, Pride Shorts got unique content for about a week before I started copying and pasting other things I'd written. Felt bad, but I think in a way it matters that I at least got SOMETHING out there.

About two days ago I got the inspiration to write again and instead of going back to a novel, I decided to start the web series idea back up again. This would be phase 3 of the web series and rewrite number... uh... I've lost count of how many times I've rewritten this plot. Anyway, I've decided to take a much more episodic approach. I know I said it last time, but it really didn't turn out that way. That version has since been scrubbed off the site and Wattpad, but it may yet make a return as a sort of origin story. For now, I'm writing with a "monster of the week" type vibe with an overarching plot that gets worked through with every encounter. It makes world building a little more tricky, but I think I can make it work. Yes the characters travel around, but every location has a new obstacle that will be uncovered and dealt with in the span of the chapter.

The first episode is far from perfect, but I kinda like it.

Anyway, here's a link to that:

You can find a link to the Wattpad version over there, too. I figure why not.

Hopefully I can keep the momentum going. I already have an idea for the next episode so let's see how far I can take it.

I still dream of making a living from my writing, but I've been set back so far and have been at it for over three years with little progress. At this point, it probably won't happen, but I have to do this for me. I have to keep writing. Maybe it'll take off in some way. Maybe it won't. Hopefully at least a few eyes will land on it and hopefully a few of those will even like it. That's all I really want. That's what I'd all a success in this area of my life.

I'm not throwing out the idea of he book entirely, but it is on hold indefinitely or at least until I stabilize my life. At this point if it ever happens, it'll be the web series put together, cleaned up, and bound. Which was my original idea for the future of the series.

For those who have been following along, yes this is still in "The Q'taxians" universe with many of the same characters, but more importantly, the same main characters: Jeron Miles, Sylus Synclaire, and even Qaitax but to a lesser degree (for now).

If you're interested in the new direction, Wattpad estimates its about a 20 minute read. It's not terribly unique, but I still think its a good start for my intended direction for the plot. I want more energy, more action, more adventure, more darkness, and more humor. I think I'm kind of heading in that direction this time. We shall see.

Anyway, that's my update this time around. If you happen to see this and decide to stick around, thank you. If not, then I suppose you'll never know this happened.

Either way,

Until Next time,

~Tav ♥

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